Music from the heart

I have a friend who has a song of the day... it always makes me smile to see what she comes up with and gives me an idea of what she is feeling that day.

Two songs are regularly played on the radio station I listen to everyday.  The words in both songs reflect what my heart feels.  No matter how many tears we shed, no matter how many nights we spend without Grace in our arms... we are thankful for this opportunity to be Grace's parents, we are thankful for the lessons we are learning while we are waiting to meet our beautiful little girl.  Our life is so incredible because of the opportunity to adopt.

Thank you for all of your love and support.  We are still waiting to hear good news about our paperwork.  We appreciate your emails and words of support and your prayers!

Blessings!

Many different emotions

    Have you ever seen a picture with the hundred different smily faces that each showed a different emotion?


Through our adoption process we have felt many different emotions:

• Determination when we committed to stepping out in faith and beginning the adoption process.
• Fear that we may never be accepted by an agency or that we would be rejected by the government. 
• Excitement when we got the email from His Hands Taiwan saying our application to work with their organization had been accepted.  
• Worry that my home would not be clean enough or that the Social Worker would think I would not be a good mother.  
• Peace knowing that God is in control and that His plan for our lives was perfect. 
• thankfulness for all of the help we received 
• Unimaginable  joy the moment I found out about Grace, the tears  that streamed down my face uncontrollably and the laughter that rang out.  
• Love that poured out of my heart the moment I laid eyes on Grace, the amount of love I feel each moment of each day for her. 
• Feeling apart of a family with the people at His Hands in Taiwan.  My family not only grew with one itty bitty girl, but with all the people who love her in person for me each day, who love these amazing women who make one of the hardest decisions of their life.   
• drive and determination to be an advocate for adoption and orphans, to teach people about the process, to get them thinking.  

only to name a few...

Recently I have been struggling with a different set of emotions, emotions that I felt ashamed to share.  You see I felt weak admitting that life was not all rainbows and lollipops, or that waiting is not always easy. I felt like I would reflect badly on the adoption process if I admitted when I was having a hard time.  I did not want people to think I am doubting God's plan for our life.   I realized though that if I didn't share all of my emotions- the good and the bad- that I was not being completely honest.   Sometimes I get caught in the trap of feeling like people want to see perfection in me.  That all of you reading our blog and finding out about our process only want to hear the good news, the positive aspects. I should be shielding you from the reality of missing a little girl I have yet to meet.  You see it is not easy getting up each morning knowing the little girl you love is on the other side of the world.  It isn't easy to see a picture of her and see her grow and think that I missed all of those moments.   It is heartbreaking to know that when she cries I am not there to hold her, to whisper in her ear.  I don't know what her hair smells like, I don't know what it is like to have no sleep because she was up all night screaming,  I have never seen her smile at me, or hold her Daddy's finger in her little hands.  I have no idea when she will be coming home.  I can not read to her or watch her explore the world.
  I trust that if you read this you will not see my weakness, but instead you will see my heart.  Adoption is not easy but it is worth it.  It isn't something you do alone, it is something you do with the support of your family and friends.   Every hug, every note, every prayer... means the world to us.  Your love and support is so encouraging.
   If you think of us please pray for a peace as we walk through this season of our adoption.  We are waiting for news on some issues with our paperwork and we are trusting God to see us through this process.  It is through my weakness that God's power is made perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:9  "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness".)

Blessings
   
 

not sure what to say... part 2

Since our last post we have been blessed with emails from many of you.
First... YAY you are reading our blog!!!!
Second... we are so thankful for all the conversations the last blog post has started.  The last post was honestly written out of love to let you know what we are learning from the adoption process.  We do not want anyone to feel as if we are upset or offended by your comments.  We are still learning about adoption and hope we never stop.  We have made comments that we are now realizing could be interpreted wrong.  No one is perfect.

Keep the emails coming, we are so excited for the conversations that are going on.  We are constantly learning, wanting to be the best parents possible!  Thank you for your love and support!

Blessings!

not sure what to say...

I was on a mission the other day to hunt down some recourses to help learn how to discuss adoption.   Since we announced that we are adopting we have been presented with the opportunity to share our knowledge about adoption and I usually fail terribly. Through well meaning conversations with anyone who has heard our news, comments are made that need to be gently corrected.  Some well meaning comments make me smile, some bring out the momma bear in me, and others hurt deeply. 
comments like: " waiting to get her is just like being pregnant"

                           " She is so lucky to have you"

                           " when do you get one?"

                           " I guess you will have to eat a lot of rice now"

                           " who could just give up a baby?"

                           " wow you must make a lot of money to be able to adopt"

                           " she is Asian so she is going to be so smart"

 So far I usually process the information quietly and do not say anything.  I usually run the other way, knowing that their heart is in the right place and feeling so under qualified to help them see things from a different perspective.

My search brought me to some great resources and gave me the confidence I need to have some great conversations.
  Most of the resources also made me realize how many people fail to ask questions or discuss the adoption as they do not want to upset us or sound foolish.  We want you to know that we welcome all discussions and love to hear from you.  Some information especially about Grace is very private.  As her parents it is our job to protect her and that means that we need to decide what information to share and what needs to be kept for Her until she is old enough to decide what parts of Her story she wants to be told.
  My mission this year is to be a better advocate for adoption.  If I give  you a different perspective on something you say, it is not meant to be rude or condescending, it is to show you part of my heart.
   I just finished a book called " In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know About Adoption" by Elisabeth O'Toole.  It is written for family and friends who has someone who has adopted ( or is going to adopt).  I thought it was an excellent book and a pretty easy read  (only 9 chapters )  If you would like to borrow it please let us know and we can get it to you!
  There are some great resources out there for family and friends of someone who is adopting.  If you would like some suggestions please let us know and we can recommend some of our favorites!
  We are so thankful that you are apart of our lives.  Thank you for all of your love and support!
Blessings!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all of you!   We have been so blessed to be able to spend Christmas with our wonderful family.  However there has been one noticeably absent person.... our special gift from God... Grace.

  We are so thankful for everyone at His Hands Taiwan.  Grace got some special one on one time with one of the volunteers and her family during Christmas.   She is very well taken care of, and loved beyond words.  She is in such wonderful hands! 

  This Christmas season  we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and remember the sacrifice He made for us, and the ultimate gift He gave us.  We are so thankful for all of our blessings!

   I was reading someone else's blog and came across this video. this song spoke to my heart and I wanted to share with you.  We are so thankful Grace is not alone, but are praying next Christmas she will be in our arms!

Merry Christmas! We love you!

Grace

On October 21,2011 a baby girl was born in Taiwain.  If you asked me what I was doing that day, I would have no idea it seemed like just another day, little did I know that day would change my life. However if you asked me what I was doing October 26th I could tell you...

   I was laughing and crying.  I may have had alot of snot running down my face... I may have been shaking the computer screen trying to get it to load the email faster..... I was experiencing a joy I had never known before.  I will never forget October 26th... it was the day I found out I had a baby girl...

   Ryan and I are blessed beyond words to announce that we have a beautiful baby girl waiting for us in Taiwan.  She is being taken care of by the wonderful staff and volunteers at His Hands until the court and immigration process is done and we can bring her home ( it can take from 6 months to a year or possibly longer for this to be finished).

    This is not the end of our adoption journey, and we will continue to use the blog to keep you updated on the progress of bringing Grace home along with all the different things we are learning through this adoption process.

  Thank you for your continued love and support!  We appreciate you!

Love Ryan, Kala and Grace

learning to ask for help

One of the many things I am learning through this adoption process is how to ask for help.  I am learning to enjoy the support of family and friends as they pitch in to help with whatever stage we are at.  People have been very generous with their time; proof reading documents, doing research, talking to people to get more information, finding resources, offering advice, being references, writing letters, doing interviews...

One of the most recent instances of asking for help has been with the sponsorship process. We need to apply for sponsorship (immigration) for a child we do not know, not even sure if they are born, or when we will be be referred to be their parents. This has been a process that has brought me to my knees numerous times, begging God to give me the wisdom to complete this very important stage.  (alright I may have also asked Him, just to fill in the form and send it for me...) In the past month we have been blessed to have someone help us wade through the sponsorship paperwork.  When I call for help he patiently lets me spread the millions of pages across his desk, hold my head in my hands, and repeatedly go... "I think I understand" (while shaking my head no).  I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to understanding how to apply and I am looking forward to updating  you with the good news that the application has been sent, and we have been approved... 

Thank you to everyone who has helped us out in some way!  You are all so awesome!

Blessings!