Tuesday, 3 January 2012

not sure what to say... part 2

Since our last post we have been blessed with emails from many of you.
First... YAY you are reading our blog!!!!
Second... we are so thankful for all the conversations the last blog post has started.  The last post was honestly written out of love to let you know what we are learning from the adoption process.  We do not want anyone to feel as if we are upset or offended by your comments.  We are still learning about adoption and hope we never stop.  We have made comments that we are now realizing could be interpreted wrong.  No one is perfect.

Keep the emails coming, we are so excited for the conversations that are going on.  We are constantly learning, wanting to be the best parents possible!  Thank you for your love and support!


Monday, 2 January 2012

not sure what to say...

I was on a mission the other day to hunt down some recourses to help learn how to discuss adoption.   Since we announced that we are adopting we have been presented with the opportunity to share our knowledge about adoption and I usually fail terribly. Through well meaning conversations with anyone who has heard our news, comments are made that need to be gently corrected.  Some well meaning comments make me smile, some bring out the momma bear in me, and others hurt deeply. 
comments like: " waiting to get her is just like being pregnant"
                           " She is so lucky to have you"
                           " when do you get one?"
                           " I guess you will have to eat a lot of rice now"
                           " who could just give up a baby?"
                           " wow you must make a lot of money to be able to adopt"
                           " she is Asian so she is going to be so smart"

 So far I usually process the information quietly and do not say anything.  I usually run the other way, knowing that their heart is in the right place and feeling so under qualified to help them see things from a different perspective.
My search brought me to some great resources and gave me the confidence I need to have some great conversations.
  Most of the resources also made me realize how many people fail to ask questions or discuss the adoption as they do not want to upset us or sound foolish.  We want you to know that we welcome all discussions and love to hear from you.  Some information especially about Grace is very private.  As her parents it is our job to protect her and that means that we need to decide what information to share and what needs to be kept for Her until she is old enough to decide what parts of Her story she wants to be told.
  My mission this year is to be a better advocate for adoption.  If I give  you a different perspective on something you say, it is not meant to be rude or condescending, it is to show you part of my heart.
   I just finished a book called " In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know About Adoption" by Elisabeth O'Toole.  It is written for family and friends who has someone who has adopted ( or is going to adopt).  I thought it was an excellent book and a pretty easy read  (only 9 chapters )  If you would like to borrow it please let us know and we can get it to you!
  There are some great resources out there for family and friends of someone who is adopting.  If you would like some suggestions please let us know and we can recommend some of our favorites!
  We are so thankful that you are apart of our lives.  Thank you for all of your love and support!