Adoption is not for the weak..

This is a wonderful time of year!  The Christmas tree is up, the christmas CD's are ready to go, the candles are lit, and I have a strange craving for hot chocolate.  I am one blessed momma who is busy keeping her curious little girl from eating the wrapping paper off of the gifts, and keeping the ornaments on the christmas tree.

Photo courtesy Crystal Kowal

However, I cant stop thinking of a friend of mine, who is still waiting to hear news that she will be united with her child before Christmas.  My heart breaks for her,  I do not know the pain she is experiencing right now, but I know that adoption is not for the weak.  I pray that their christmas wish comes true and early, and they are united with their precious daughter soon!

I look back at our adoption journey and smile thinking of how each struggle made us stronger, how wonderful the end result is, how thankful I am for the journey and for the testimony we have of God's faithfulness.  I also remember the tears, the struggle, the weariness.  Adoption is not for everyone.  Adoption is not easy.

I have heard many times from different people that our adoption journey was very easy, that everything went by very quickly.   I usually smile and make up a polite response, but those words often flood my memory with the sleepless nights, the lonely first mothers day, the empty Christmas, it reminds me of the inner struggle that each day brought.  Everyday was too long to be away from our daughter. 

I remember the decision to adopt being easy, but as easy as the decision was, as excited as I was, it took us a long time to deal with and mourn the idea that we would never have a biological child.   It was one of the hardest things I have had to go through physically or emotionally.  

The home study brought incredible vulnerability, having to be so completely honest with someone who would help decide the fate of our family.  Talking about the past in very specific detail, and planning for the future in ways I couldn't imagine. 

the waiting was so hard, sleepless nights, fighting the feeling of hopelessness, waiting for news.  We had zero control over anything.

It seemed like each day brought a new struggle, but it only made us stronger. 

And then we were united with Grace!  The struggles ended! Our life was complete!

Ok... so that isn't true... our struggles have taken on a new form.  No more paperwork, no more phone calls with social services, no more running to the bank to send a cheque with another set of documents, no more sleepless nights longing to hold my daughter. Now I spend sleepless nights holding my sweet daughter, and coaxing her to sleep for even a few minutes.  ( our sleepless nights are getting so much better, but up until a month ago midnight to 4 am was party time in the Wock house).

 We are now dealing with the very real issue of bonding and attachment.  We did our best to prepare ourselves for what bonding would be like and educating our families and friends, but this is not easy.  It is hard to explain why people can not hold Grace, even if she would be willing to go to a stranger, why we can not go out and leave Grace with a babysitter, it is hard to explain the concern we have if she cares if we leave the room.  Bonding is not an overnight thing, and we will experience the struggle in many different stages for a very long time.  

Adoption is not for the weak... 

I am not sharing this post with you because I want you to think of us as heroes.  We are nothing of the sort,  but it hurts me to think that people believe that adoption is easy.  I have had the privilege of getting to know a few adoptive families in the last few years, and they have been through more than you can imagine.  Each story is unique, each story contains incredible struggle, and heartache, and every family would tell you that their child is a blessing, that adopting them was worth everything.  

As I celebrate Christmas this year with my little angel, I remember the families still waiting to be united with their child, I remember the orphan that doesn't have a family to celebrate with.  I am thankful for my blessings.  

Photo Courtesy Don Wayne

playing with her cheerios 

Photo courtesy of Crystal Kowal