joy

This has been a hard week… really hard.  

I felt my self going into survival mode by Monday at noon… and then was reminded of a lesson I learned while going through the adoption process with Grace. A lesson on joy

Joy is defined in the dictionary two different ways, one as a noun: meaning a feeling of great pleasure and happiness OR as a verb: rejoice

I always understood joy as happiness, excitement, the good feelings… that is easy.  It is easy to be filled with joy when life is going well.  When life is filled with sunshine and roses.  When the road that life is taking you is flat, and paved… not bumpy and windy.  However as we the wait to bring Grace home grew each day I was shown daily that I had forgot to live out joy as defined by the verb- REJOICE.

incase you missed it, the definition did not say REJOICE because life is easy, or REJOICE because everything is good… it just simply said REJOICE.

There are lots of bible verses about joy: seriously go look…

there are 2 verses that I found comfort in while I was struggling with joy…

Philippians 4:4-7 " Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all,  The lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

James 1:2-4 " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when ever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its works so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

I want to live with joy, no matter the circumstances in my life.  I am learning that living with joy means choosing to rejoice… REJOICE because I am loved, I am saved, I have been redeemed. And because of that I always have reason to rejoice.

I remember it was really hard to learn to live with joy when Grace was so far away, but I understand now that the time we were separated was an opportunity for me to learn a lot of lessons that I really needed to understand.

I still struggle to live with joy, but I am working on it.  This week was another reminded to REJOICE! Rejoice despite the fact that people I love are really hurting. Rejoice… even though this week was a struggle! Rejoice because even though the world is filled with hurting people, war, famine, sickness and evil their is hope!

Blessings

oh change… how quickly you sneak up on me!

We started this week with big changes in our life…. it was time for me to head back to work, and for our family of three to start a new adventure.

When we flew to Taiwan in July of 2012, I was able to take a leave of absence from my job.  My employer allows up to 18 months leave of absence for paternity/adoption leave.  In Canada we were eligible for 35 week partially paid paternal leave.  At the end of the 35 weeks, we tightened up our budget and made some changes so that I could stay off work for the full 18 months.  It was a huge blessing to have so much special time with Grace and have 18 months to focus on our family!

I am so thankful for the amazing opportunity to take parental leave.  The first 6 months were a bit of a haze, as we adapted to less sleep, new schedules and routine.  I would love to say our 18 months were all rainbows and giggles, but life was sometimes hard.  Teething is hard… no sleep is hard…. exploring boundaries and seeking independence is a hard stage. But there were so many amazing moments, making new friends, watching Grace learn and grow, jumping in mud puddles, spending extra time with the people we love and so many other adventures. I will forever be thankful that I was able to devote my full attention to Grace for those 18 months.  They are precious, wonderful memories that I will cherish forever.

Many people have very strong opinions on the career vs stay at home mom debate.  I was given a lot of advise from anyone who knew our situation. There are great articles out there telling me I am ruining my child by having a career instead of staying at home.  There are great articles out there that tell me I am running my kid by keeping them in a cocoon of the safety of home instead of expanding their horizons at daycare while I go back to work.  There are great articles saying that women can do it all.  There are great articles saying we can't.  At the end of the day the choice to head back to work was ours as a family, and as a family we had to make the decision that was best for us.

This past Monday Grace and I put on our big girl pants and embraced a new day… full of new adventures and change…

We had a great start to our new adventure.   Getting back to work was a lot of fun.  I have great co workers, who were incredibly patient with me as I tried to remember where I left off 18 months ago.  Grace had a great week with her Nana.  It was fun to hear her babble her stories and bounce around the house in excitement each night.

I am so thankful for my Mom who offered to watch Grace.   I know this will be a special time for both of them.  I am thankful to my co workers who have been so patient and understanding.  I am thankful for Ryan who always puts us first and has made so many sacrifices for us.

Change is inevitable… but wether it sneaks up on your or you see it coming a mile away… we are doing our best to make the most of it…. we are going to seize the day!

blessings!

excellent hair day at the Wock's

good bye 2013… hello 2014

Good Bye 2013… you have provided us with many fond memories!  What a year it has been! I look back and remember the struggles, the exhaustion, the joy and celebration.  I can say with certainty that in 2013 we grew as individuals and as a family.  We struggled, we thrived.  we lived…

making a snow man.. or eating his nose...

I have been off work since July of 2012, which left Grace and I lots of time to play and enjoy life.  We participated in group classes at the family centre, had lots of play dates with friends, and enjoyed visits with family.

In February we hosted Chinese New Year celebrations at our house, the first one with Grace at home.  We had such a great time, despite the blizzard raging outside.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Our adventurous Grace loved the melting snow, and we spent the early parts of spring jumping in mud puddles and washing clothes!  We purchased a pair of chest waders for Grace, money well spent. I would recommend Oakiwear to anyone, they have been a big lifesaver around here!

When the snow was all gone, we made a temporary sandbox on the deck, and enjoyed the sunshine and warm temperatures.  One of the big projects for Ryan was finishing the swing set/sand box that Ryan's mom and dad had given us.  He did a great job with help from my Dad and Grace.  We spent many mornings and afternoons enjoying the warm sand and climbing up into the play house!  Grace loves to climb, and was a master at getting up there all by herself.  She also discovered she loved to be buried in the sand, and jump on the trampoline.  There was never a dull moment around here!

sand box 

We spent many hours in the garden, which had a wonderful harvest.  I can not thank my Mom and Dad enough for all of the hours they spent weeding, harvesting and planting. Grace again found a love for the garden; helping us plant ( you could tell where her seeds were planted, they never quite lined up in the rows) harvest ( oh she loves PEAS!) the delight of learning that something was hiding under the earth.  We did battle the horse flies and misquotes this year.  Grace had a bad reaction to the bites and we ended up having to stay inside more at times due to the pesky bugs!

bug jacket

In May we enjoyed our annual camping trip with the Friedrick's and Koshman's.  This was another first for Grace, one we had so been looking forward to!  Grace loved Cayden's bike trailer and the kids would sit in it as everyone took turns riding the bike with them. We blew bubbles… for days… played trains with cayden, enjoyed some time on the beach and lots of conversation around the camp fire.  We were missing a couple of people last year, and praying that God will provide so that we can all be together for 2014!

camping 2013

In June our plans to head out west for a family vacation were derailed by incredible flooding so we changed our directions and headed to Clear Lake for a couple of days.  It was a wonderful get away time for me!  Ryan was able to rest and Grace and I were able to explore!  We spent a lot of time walking, eating gelato, and swimming in the pool!

One of the highlights of our year was getting to see Muir's when they returned home to Canada for a vacation.  Grace instantly bonded with them, and my heart was so full watching the kids love Grace.  I am overwhelmed with emotion when I think of how adoption grows your family, not just with your child but with all the people who were apart of their life before our story started with them.  Our family has grown by leaps and bounds with all of the "aunties", friends and nannies who are apart of Grace's life.  Having a visit with this extended part of our family was a great reminder how beautiful Grace's story is!

In September we took a little girls trip with Grandma and Grace to Yorkton to spend time with family.  It was a wonderful time, playing outside and visiting but with three kiddos it was busy! We did have time to get into a little mischief, a tree may have been broken… sorry Ben :)

This fall we were able to participate in a fundraiser for Taiwan Xi En ( the organization we adopted Grace from).  I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to serve!  We were stretched during these months but had such an incredible time.  We were able to make new friendships and develop strong relationships.  We met incredible people with a heart for orphans.  We were able to share our story and hopefully along the way encourage others.

In November it worked out for Grace and I to take a girls trip to Alberta. We spent our week meeting new friends and catching up with good friends we hadn't seen in a while.  Ryan joined us at the end of the week and we had the best visit with Aaron and Audrey.  Grace loved playing with her Auntie and Uncle, our time was too short but we had a great holiday!

dancing in the rain

December has seemed like a long month, with cold weather, health issues, and preparing for the changes to come in 2014.   We were excited to wrap up our home study for our second adoption right before Christmas.  We are looking forward to what 2014 will bring.

snuggles with Daddy

Our year has been full, but so much fun. We want to thank each of you for being apart of our lives! We truly are blessed.  2014 is full of unknown for us, but I rest peacefully knowing I am not in control, I am just along for the ride.  I look forward to what this year will bring.

Thank you for catching up with us! Lets talk soon!

blessings!

The gift of Christmas

*** I know it has been a long time since we have updated the blog.  I have many excuses but in reality I had a bit of writers block and chose to put aside the blog for a couple of months.  I have a few posts that have been brewing over the last few months so those of you who enjoy reading this blog stay tuned   for the coming months!***

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! This Christmas we have been blessed with the reminder of the true meaning of the season! We are enjoying being surrounded by family and friends and spending time with our precious gift! We pray that wherever you are, you are warm, healthy, happy and safe.  May you be blessed with an overwhelming reminder of how loved you are!

Attachment success and challenges

 It has been a wonderful year of challenges and success.  Being a parent has brought so much joy, so much worry, more questions than answers, challenges around every corner and a lot of laughter( and a few tears)!

One of the major challenges/successes of our adoption journey has been attaching and bonding with Grace.  We spent a lot of time while we were waiting learning about attachment.  We read the horror stories, we read the success stories.  We read the textbooks about what to do and what not to do.  We discussed it during our home study and read through all the materials presented to us. 

Let me make it very clear, there are A LOT of resources and opinions about attachment and adoption. However there is no right way or one way to do it.   Every family does it differently, every adoption practitioner, psychologist, social worker, person with fancy letters after their name recommends different practices, things to look for, action plan for attachment.

We took a very conservative, hands on approach to attachment. We took all the information we had been given and made the plan that we were most comfortable with. ( let me tell you a lot of prayer went into this plan).  We made decisions like; we would be the only ones to hold Grace until we felt like she understood that we were her mom and dad and were not going to leave her, we would not let her cry it out- instead we would pick her up immediately to comfort her and let her know we were always there, Ryan and I would be the only one to provide for her needs- feeding, bathing, changing, sleeping until we felt like she was attaching well,  we would not leave her with someone else until we felt she fully understood that we were her mom and dad and if we left we would be coming back.  ( this is just a very small list... but I hope it give you an idea).

Our plan was not always understood, and at times I felt like our judgement and decisions were questioned.  And to be honest some days I did feel crazy.  Grace attached quite easily with us, but we also were very aware that attachment would take a lot of work and would be an ongoing process with new milestones reached over many years.  Because she seemed to attach easily it was hard to justify not letting people hold her, or getting up 30 times a night to comfort her, when so many people recommended letting her cry it out etc.

As crazy as I felt some days.. the crazy lady not letting anyone hold her sweet, cute, cuddly baby... I do feel like I tried to make the best decisions for my family.  We did compromise with some of our rules, and sometimes that was so frightening because what someone else saw as a small thing, feeding her, changing her, holding her I saw the consequences long term.  But we navigated the crazy world of parenting as best we could...

We have seen some great milestones with attachment.  Here are some highlights:

• Grace pooped on day 2 ( babies/ children will often not poop due to the changes going on in their lives) Ryan is most proud of this!
• looking for us when we left a room
• making eye contact with us when we talk to her
• not going to someone she did not know when they held out their arms for her ( this mom was so proud... but believe me I get a few looks when I don't make her go to someone when they ask to hold her)
• Expressing her anger when we do something to upset her ( daddy left for a couple of days and she lets him know that is not ok!)
• hiding behind mommy's legs when she is uncomfortable

We have seen so many successes, and I think we are doing well with attaching, but it will be a challenge we will always work on and be aware of. 

One of the best benefits of working so hard on attachment has been how much I have attached to Grace.  I always knew I loved her, I had a bond with her from the moment we held her, but I had no idea how much I would attach and how awesome that would feel.  it is a strange thing to explain but I am attached, I love to be with her, I love to explore with her, to go through the good and the bad of the day.  I love watching her interact with the world and the people in it.  I like that she looks for me when she discovers something exciting, or runs up to me to tell me stories because she knows I will be there.  I am super blessed to be this little girls mommy!

Before I end this long post.... let me express something... attachment works differently for everyone and every child.  For us as a family of three this is what worked, but next time we adopt it may work very different and we may choose a very different game plan.  Other parents take a much more laid back approach and that works great for them and their child.  Whatever works for that family is the best choice for them!

Attachment was not something we did by our strength. By the grace of God, through our imperfections, weakness and struggles God worked to knit us together as a family.   God has been our strength, our guide and because of Him we have seen great progress in this area of our life.

Happy Gotcha Day

Today we took the time to celebrate a special occasion in our lives.  We refer to it as "gotcha day".  The anniversary of the first time we met Grace, or the day we "got her".

July 10, 2012- Kaohsiung, Taiwan 

One year ago today we arrived in Taiwan.  I remember watching out the window as our plane descended on Taipei and falling instantly in love with the country that my daughter came from.  Our travels had taken us around the world and I will never forget the smell, and feel when we arrived in Kaohsiung.  We must have looked a sight, the two foreigners standing in the middle of the train station with people bustling about, not knowing where to go or what to do. We stood in the same spot afraid if we moved we would miss the people coming to pick us up.  I remember spotting Holly and Trena across the busy train station with itty bitty Grace in Holly's arms, My heart burst. There are no words to describe this moment in time. On July 10, 2012 we held Grace for the first time and it was the best feeling in the world.

Here we are a year later. A whole year has gone by and it has been such an amazing experience.  Wow,do we ever love our little girl.  She is full of joy, adventure and spitfire!  She knows how to keep us running there is never a dull moment around here!  Today we celebrated Grace, we celebrated the journey we are on, we celebrated God's plan, and provisions for our life.  Today we celebrated because our hearts are full!

July 10, 2013-  Canada

I am blown away by how blessed I am.  Happy "gotcha day" Grace.  You are so special and we are so thankful to have you as our daughter.

The Tales of a Teething Toddler

Well it is about time I had a chance to tell you a story.  Mom started getting all sappy with Mother's day junk but you people don't want to read all this mushy stuff... you want the professional writer who will tell you the real dirt about our adoption journey, here you go....

so the other day I woke up... I wanted to stretch my voice a little... so I did.... well mom stumbled into my room with her hair all a mess and her eyes half open and in a quiet and soothing voice said " it's not morning yet, shhh my girl go back to sleep" as she tucked the blankets around me.  Well I was quick to correct her " Mom I checked, its morning... I promise... if you would buy me a rooster we could solve this debate right now...." then I thought I would get my point across best if I produced some tears and wailed a little.  I am sure she said ok ok... but I haven't seen the rooster yet.

so I called my Nana up and said " Yo Nana, Mom just said No to me... could you do something about this"

The snow finally melted around here ( did you know that winter lasts 3000 years in Canada?) but the glorious thing about the snow going away is it produces this wonderful substance called mud.  Mud is every kids dream... we don't want toys for christmas...we want mud... dirty, gooey, wet, brown mud. Mom and Dad bought me a fancy new pair of boots so I could play in the mud and stay clean.  They are a lot of fun, but the real fun is dipping into that big, wet mud puddle with my clean white shoes on.  I set a goal for myself 5 mud puddles in 5 days with the white shoes.  Mom and Dad have been teaching me to aim high and work hard to achieve my goals so I planned it all out.  Mom got me out of the car and put me down on the drive way to play with the rocks, like I always do, while she cleaned up the car.  When she turned away I ran and jumped in the puddle.  Day 1 was a success! However the next day the clean white shoes were still drying so I had to adapt the plan a little.  Mom bought me this really nice new outfit and put me in it, while she was getting us ready to go out the door I had a little conference with the dog.  I promised him all of my afternoon snack, if he would distract mom as we walked to the car to go to town for the day.  The plan went off without a hitch, as we walked to the car the dog made mom look away for a second and I found the closest mud puddle to jump in.  Yellow pants turned brown! Success! I didn't get to all 5 mud puddles in the week, but there is always another time!

the life of a teething toddler is hard.  I get up each day and work as hard as I can to make as big of a mess as possible, poop in the bathtub, go for a swim in the dogs water bowl, lick the floor, sing some songs, tell some stories, get mom to agree to buy me some things ( don't worry as soon as I figure out how to write I will show her the list of things she agreed to in the last few months) giggle really cute, and give mom a high five and a sweet little smile before bed ( you always need to end the day on a good note). Its a hard job, but someone has to do it!

Ah Ha! Bet you didn't expect to find me here!

i'll be back soon... The teething toddler ( just incase you didn't get it... its me... Grace)